This is an essay I wrote on the Healing Well forum in December 2007, and also posted on my personal blog Marianne's Motifs. I am reposting it here, with a few edits for spelling and grammar.
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I was watching the episode of "The Practice" where they had a patient
diagnosed with Crohns disease. No-one believed her symptoms were real,
thought she had Münchhausen's syndrome, anorexia, etc.
It got me thinking about
my own life. I was diagnosed with Crohns only in 2006 at 38 years old
but I think I may have had the disease for a long time. In my high school
and college years I had been diagnosed with depression and chronic
fatigue syndrome. I was sent to the psychiatrist when no tests could
show what was making me so tired and achey I could not get out of bed.
Now - I am not sure that what I had was Crohns or only Crohns at that
time because I did have some other symptoms such as swollen glands which are not supposed to be a symptom of Crohns. I
went through so much emotionally and physically. I always felt like I
did not want to complain, and I think my stoicism and mental toughness
hid the level of my suffering.
At the time I actually thought I was lazy and overly sensitive. Now, I realize that I have been functioning on about 1/2 the level of what alot of strong healthy people are at!
I
wonder what if... I was diagnosed at that time when I was in college. I
would have had better medications and ways to manage my illness. I
would have saved myself alot of self-questioning and emotional turmoil.
But at that same time, maybe not knowing and overcoming what I did was
good for me in a way. I had to come to realizations about the
limits of my own strength, and how sometimes there is no easy answer
and you just have to tough through the hard times until things get
better.
Well... if you made it this far thanks for reading this.
Wishing all of you a happy and healthy holidays and New Year.
::::MWAH:::: kisses!